adventure is worthwhile*

we went horseback riding this morning, but it was kinda scary. got up at 7:30 a.m., took a shower, put new clothes on, and went a different direction than normal. took the bus a very short distance to the farm. walked through the field and up to the stables. poop was everywhere and the horses were nipping because they wanted food (i later found out the owner feeds them apples, by hand, a lot). i was a little leary of their faces coming at me. and it seemed they didn't want me to pet them. then we went around to get the harnesses and lead ropes. susanne hands me one and points a horse saying, "this one's yours" as if i know exactly what to do and feel comfortable doing it. i was like, "um, yeah, i don't know what i'm doing. my dad always did it for me and i'm not too sure about doing it myself." so she did it for me.

then we start walking outside. i've got two horses, one on either side of me, and i'm following her and her horse, walking in poop with my nice clean sneakers. and THEN, my horse steps on my foot!!! i was freaked. it didn't hurt so much as just scare me, but still! we get outside and all they want to do is eat the grass. and they don't mind at all. they are just spastic and she's ok with all this. i'm not. we groom them (before? weird), get them saddled up, and then she finds out another girl is coming to ride the horse we've saddled for me. so we have to change out the horses. UGH!

so while i'm holding both horses at some point, i get in the middle and both have minds of their own, both wanting to eat grass, but in different locations. they were small horses, but horses nonetheless. i was so afraid one was just gonna buck up and say to heck with me and take off. but they didn't.

finally we get on and start riding. i'm pretty much scared and tell her, but she just laughs at me and says it's ok. we get to this one part and my horse decides to go right instead of straight. um, excuse me? i tried, but the horse wouldn't budge. susanne had to get off her horse, grab mine by the bit, and lead both our horses to the end of the road where we turned left. then my horse was ok. go figure.

we trotted a bit, but i was freaked. i had no idea how the horse was trained, so i just felt like the horse was the only one in control.

the area where we rode was nice and peaceful though. in and around corn fields. one part was through a forested area, but the highway was on one side of us so it was loud with traffic. but overall it was nice. thankfully we ended much earlier than she had originally planned.

all of this horse stuff made me miss my dad. and helped me realize just how good he was with the all the horse stuff ... he trained the horses we rode really well. he helped me feel calm and in control. i would have felt a lot better about these horses if he'd been there, i know that. when i think about it, i want to cry, but i hold back my tears for some reason.

after a full afternoon...

susanne cooked salmon and rice for lunch. it was good. we ate and a bit later she left ... she had a thing to go to that she'd had planned for a while now. i was happy to have some free time to explore on my own, walking slowly and absorbing life here.

i walked to the village. i found a church and went in. it's Catholic and beautiful, but completely empty of people. strange compared to guatemala. there were chandeliers, murals on the ceiling, and blue paint decoration, so it didn't seem so "gold" in there like it usually does. on my way out a couple spotted me and stared like i had no business coming out of the church. either that was true or seeing people coming out of the church truly is an oddity. either way it's sad.

i found the grocery store susanne normally shops at and bought an apple and a Coke. i went to buy it and the girl says something to me in german. i look lost so she says "moment" and leaves. she comes back with a sticker on the apple. when i saw the sticker i realized i'd forgotten to weight it and print the payment sticker. i'd seen susanne do it when we went to the store together, but i spaced it completely. oh well.

found my way to the lake and sat on a park bench reading my book for a couple of hours. wandered into a store at the bus station to look at maps and left with an ice cream bar. went home. took a shower. watched "Mr. and Mrs. Smith".

*quote by Amelia Earhart

Switzerland

July 13; 5:30 p.m.

it has been quite a day here. got up at almost 8 a.m., packed our day bags, and took off for Lucern at 8:45. one there we got on a ferry boat to take us to Mt. Rigi (or Rigi-Kulm, don't actually know which is right). from the base of that we took a train to take us to the top, but at the next to last stop Susanne decides we'll get off and hike up the rest of the way. it was hard and i wasn't thrilled about it, but it was fun and i managed. after a while up at the top, we hiked down to a particular stop where there was a cable car that took you the rest of the way down.

from the lake we got on a boat and went across the lake to another mountain. this one i can't remember the name of. but from there we took the incline up to the top. we walked around a while and found a nice place to eat our picnic lunch.

after a bunch of pictures and eating and walking, we inclined down, ferried across, trained home, and now i'm writing and susanne is going to the lake. i am too tired and hot and sunburned enough to go.

Lake Lucerne ... wow! i thought Lake Atitlan was the most beautiful lake i'd see, but that's because i hadn't seen Lucern yet! clear, smooth, green mountains all around, and in the distances snow-peaked mountains. truly beautiful. and we have had a really nice day, clear skies, sunshine, and warm. i'd say about 85 or 90 probably.

despite my cramps, sore muscles, and sunburn, it was a very nice day and well worth it. thankfully while we were in the cable car the bag delivery guy called and susanne convinced him to leave my bag on the terrace. so now i have all my stuff and am feeling MUCH better about life here.

mode of transportation is mostly train. there is a good bus system, and lots of cars being driven, but most everyone rides their bike or takes the train (or both). everything is SO green. and lots of flowers in the flower boxes outside people's balconies. cowbells cheered us up the mountain today at Lake Lucerne. and i mean actual bells on the actual cows ... it was very cool and very Swiss. when there is a place to shop, there are tons of places to shop. turns a street into a mall, literally, with food courts (lots of tables outside restaurants) and smoking, and maybe an occassional car or three. the air is dry. it's fairly quiet; plenty of opportunity to hear the birds amongst the children playing, train (no obnoxious horns), and cars. lots of German, and i don't have a clue what they's saying. at least in Guatemala i knew when they were saying "please" and "thank you", but here i'm totally lost. it's all so foreign, so throaty, so many consonants and syllables. *L*

it's very clean here, but there's lots of graffiti. driving is "normal". and it seems the way of living is in apartments. apparently houses are very expensive and the land isn't for sale ... it's for agriculture. so when there is a town, apartment buildings are crammed together everywhere.

Susanne lives in Cham (pronounced Hom, like Hominy, not Home). it's a nice little village place with a lake. it takes about 10 minutes, maybe, to walk from her "flat" to the lake. if you want to go to the grassy part where people lay out or play or swim it would take another 5 minutes or so of walking. it's a very pretty lake. that's where we went yesterday for a stroll and where she is now.

after dinner

dinner was leftovers from last night. it's now 10 p.m. and i'm tired. susanne is on the phone with her boyfriend and i'm in the living room writing in the almost dark. it's nearly dark outside now, but kids are still outside playing. sidenote: vegetable waste goes in a green bucket outside the kitchen on the window ledge. it's a small bucket. when it's full it goes in a special trash can out by where the trash gets picked up.

european discovery ... day 1

4:45 p.m.; in route to London

here are my complaints thus far ... i don't want to complain, but by stating the facts i will sound like i'm complaining, so i'll just say that i am. 1) because of London's airport issues, i had to check my bag afterall. 2) i've been seated next to a small child who likes making noise for no reason. 3) we left late. 4) my headset for the TV doesn't work right and therefore i can't really hear the sound. 5) i'm tired. 6) i still have over 7 hours. 7) it's cold and bouncy.

8:00 a.m.; in London, waiting for plane to Zurich

the flight wasn't so bad ... they had good movies to watch (i decided to switch headphones to see if it would make a difference and it did, so i used mine the rest of the flight instead of theirs). of course i didn't sleep at all and now i'm working on being awake when i should be sleeping. it's cloudy and raining in London, so i can't see anything beyond the airport, even in the air. the cars are squatty and the drivers are on the "wrong side" of the car and the road. *L* the airport is like a mall ... tons of shopping. a young woman actually said "wicked" to her kid on the phone.

Switzerland

my bag didn't come!!! ARGH! found susanne, walked a bit in Zurich, went to the grocery store, went to her apartment, sat for a while, fixed dinner, ate, went for awalk at the lake, watched a movie, and went to bed.

we carried our groceries from the store (a normal grocery store, slightly smaller than US ones) to the train station, then from the station to the house. wasn't far, but still quite an effort if we'd bought a lot. dinner was rice, potatoes, zucchini, eggplant, red peppers, and chicken in a curry-coconut sauce. susanne cooked it and it was pretty good. we watched "love actually". sleeping was comfy, a mattress with a down comforter and pillow in the living room, but terperature was hold and cold, off and on, all night. it was still daylight at 9:30 p.m.!

garage sale language blunder

i don't know if i can relay this in writing as funny as it was in person, but i'm gonna try...

a lot of our customers on Friday were Hispanic, stopping by with their children, droves of families who didn't know each other, all looking for a great deal. i was attempting to help an older lady and her family while using the selling method better known as bartering. as i quoted prices in Spanish, my grandma sitting nearby would ask me in English, "how much, Jenny?"

after three or four times of her asking me that and me repeating the same answer, i FINALLY realized i was talking to my grandma IN SPANISH and the reason she kept asking me was because she didn't know what i was saying!

once i got it, i apologized, "oh, Grandma, i mean FIFTEEN!" and laughed for a while. i thought it was hilarious that i was in Spanish mode and didn't even realize it. i guess that's what happens when you get focused on trying to sell a bookshelf! *LOL* :-)

garage sale

i've never had a garage sale before. i've never put one on and i've never even gone to one to shop. but yet i've found myself sitting with my grandma trying to sell our "junk" to the neighbors. we've marked everything, set it all up on tables, and got it ready to sell. now we just have to wait for passersby.

it's hard work though ... i never knew that. it takes time to go through every little thing, clean it up a little, and then think ... i wonder what i should try to sell this for? a dollar? five dollars?

it takes time and energy, both of which i've exerted quite a bit. but i've learned a lot so far in case i decide to do it again one day. i usually just give my stuff to Goodwill or some place, but i guess i should try to sell it more often ... people really will buy just about anything.

crystal clear

i want to be crystal clear about something... it might seem random, which it is, but i don't need to explain why. i simply want to share my heart to clarify my experience with Sonic.

though i'm not Sonic management material, in no way have i shared my heart through my work experience in order to "bash" the business. Sonic has been very good to my family for many, many years, and i never intended to imply anything bad about Sonic as a whole.

today's life brings challenges in the business world. every place is run however it can succeed. and every Sonic store is run different. as i've said before, maybe another store would make a difference, but there are no guarantees. today brings teenagers who use every cuss word in one sentence. it brings five different problems to fix in one hour. it brings stresses of a volume that's just too much for me. these are things that just weren't good for my heart. i'm not made to take all of that in for 10 hours a day and go home happy. it wasn't a relfection on my cousin and his store. it was simply the work and what it took to stay in business and succeed.

the particular store i was in is great. the busiest in Texas, i think. they cook the food properly and serve it quickly. they're kind to the customers. and the managers always handle issues correctly. everything business there is proper and i was proud to be involved with them.

as i've said before, the work just wasn't for me. it's a lot of work and a lot of stress and i just feel i'm not cut out for it. but if i were, Sonic is where i'd want to work.

that is my heart. it always has been and always will. i encourage all ten people who will read my blog to go eat at your nearby Sonic today. order tots with cheese for me. it will always be my favorite.

Europe

yes, i'm still going to Europe. i've finally made a decision and booked it. here's what it's gonna look like...

July 11 - fly to Zurich, Switzerland, and spend the next 5 days with Susanne, the friend i made in Guatemala. the plan is to recover from jet lag and see as much of Susanne's world as possible.

July 17 - fly to London, spend three days on my own, enjoying my space, mastering the Tube, seeing all the wonderful sights.

July 20 - join the tour group on a bus and head across the channel to see ... France, Belgium, Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, and Italy.

August 1 - make my way from Paris to London, get on a plane and fly home.

August 2-6 - recover from jet lag

August 7 - look for a job

oh, i guess i can stop the timeline now... :-)

anyways, i'm very excited, though nervous about traveling somewhat on my own in countries i've never been to. but i know i'm going to see so many things i've wanted to see for SO LONG, that it'll be well worth it all. now i just have to figure out what to pack!

movies

i don't remember if 8 years ago when i moved to Colorado i was SHOCKED when i went to the movies for the first time. shocked over what? over the prices of admission! i don't remember, so i can only assume that the prices weren't too much more than my hometown theater of three screens, or even the College Station Cinemark theater.

when i left Colorado (only a few months ago, mind you), prices for a matinée admission was $5.50. i've always been a firm believer in attending the movies during the middle of the afternoon anyways, so that's the only price i really care about. at Brenham's theater, now renovated and containing six screens, i paid $4.50 for the matinée last weekend.

what's my point? well, in Houston, the two times i went to the theater, i had to pay ... drumroll please ... ... .... $7.00 for matinées ($9 for showings after 6)!!! for a lover of the theater, i was willing to pay the $7 twice for the time i lived there ... but on an ongoing basis? i think not.

i guess, for curiosity sake, i should find a theater in New York City and see how much they have to pay. i know i'd be grateful for the Houston price. but still! big cities have their luxuries, but i'd much prefer the small town prices.

chinese buffet update

my first chinese experience was really back in the day in my hometown. my oldest friend, Dawn, and i would go once a week or so to the buffet here in Brenham. they were never really busy, but they're still in business. the food was always decent and enough to fill us up.

so, i thought it fitting that my next chinese buffet attempt be at the original location. last weekend i had Saturday to myself, so i decided to do things that i would enjoy and that my mom wouldn't be jealous of. i had chinese buffet for lunch and went to the movies and saw Ocean's Thirteen (she doesn't like either).

when i walked in, i was pleased to see more people than i'd ever seen before. i was greeted with a smile, ordered my Mountain Dew, and made my way over to the buffet. my first surprise were the donuts WITH sugar. my second surprise was chicken on a stick. and my third surprise was steamed rice. (please revert back to the previous buffet post to see the difference.) these things seem small, but believe me ... it makes a huge difference in an appetizing meal.

everything was going fine until i got over to the beef with broccoli ... there was no broccoli! instead, there were green peppers and onions. very odd. the chicken with broccoli had broccoli, but also contained shrimp. again, odd. ah, but what's over there? BBQ chicken pieces. yum! that's new to my palette at a chinese place, so i tried it, and of course, being the BBQ lover that i am, enjoyed it. there was also the normal looking sweet and sour chicken and lo mein noodles. so all in all, i enjoyed my experience.

i wouldn't say that it was wonderful enough to go back to on a weekly basis, like the places in Colorado i became spoiled by. but, maybe once a month or so for a chinese fix wouldn't be so bad. at least they had food i recognized. and ... at least they had donuts with sugar! :-)

what am i doing?

for the next month i am working out (with the goal of losing weight), tanning (cuz i feel better about myself if i'm tanner and skinnier), and helping my mom get her house in more in order. then, in July, my plan is to go to Europe on a tour for 18-35 year olds. it will cover Spain, France, Belgium, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, and the lovely city of London. the friend i made in Guatemala lives in Switzerland, so i'll see her and maybe travel with her for a little bit as well.

after that ... i will get a job, of course. don't know what i will find a job doing, but i will find one. i also don't know the location of that job search right now, but hopefully in August i will have it figured out.

until then, it's all about diet and exercise for me. i am feeling way icky about my body right now and will not go to Europe with strangers feeling the way i'm feeling about looking the way i'm looking. it's just important to me to travel while feeling good about myself.

i tried

i've made a somewhat disappointing decision. i say that because i really wanted this to work. i really wanted to succeed. but i've come to the conclusion that i'm not Sonic material. i can do the work, but my heart doesn't find any pleasure in it.

i really wanted this to be THE thing for me. so i'm disappointed that since my first day i haven't been happy. i've been working 50+ hours on my feet for eight weeks (only?) and all i've experienced is stress, frustration, problems, anger, cussing, and overall badness of every kind, on a daily basis, which in turn has taken its toll on my heart.

thankfully everyone has been supportive and understanding. my cousin has been very kind in all of it, understanding fully how i feel, and yet proud of me for giving it a chance. he's even said that the door remains open, if after some time i decide i want to try again under different circumstances. timing, is of course everything. as is location. and maybe the volume of the store i've been in has an impact on me. and maybe so does the timing of my moving to Texas, my father's death, etc. right now, i don't foresee it, but you never know.

but as we all knew from the beginning, i would have never known unless i tried. and, well, i tried.

and now i will try something else.

chinese buffet

there are three types of people... 1) prefers chinese off the menu, 2) prefers chinese buffet, 3) prefers a different food genre. when it comes to chinese food, i am #2. at least i used to be #2. but now that i'm in texas where it is seemingly impossible to find a good chinese buffet restaurant, i may become #1.

i didn't realize how lucky i was to have such a good chinese buffet restaurant within a 10-minute drive in Colorado. since moving back to Texas, i've been to two different restaurants in hopes of finding at least one similar food item on the buffet, but to my surprise, and disappointment, i have only found odd things that only barely taste good.

allow me to offer examples...

strangely large sweet and sour chicken. no steamed rice. chicken and broccoli without an ounce of soy sauce. very skinny lo mein noodles. and the worst of all ... donuts without sugar.

i keep thinking if i am determined enough, i will eventually find a place worthy of my business. until then, i encourage YOU to visit your favorite buffet and enjoy it while you've got it.

new responsibilities

i've mastered the ice cream machine. i know how to make all the drinks. i can carhop. and i've nearly mastered taking orders on the board (computer). i'm starting to "boss" the others around a little more each day, trying to show some leadership. i've learned how to do all the money stuff at the beginning, middle, and end of every day.

and most recently i've started learning payroll and inventory. i guess tomorrow or next week i'll start doing the inventory myself. it's basically just counting what we have, but some things, if it's half a box, is considered zero, but other things it's considered one. so i have to learn our patterns and needs. it'll take me two hours to do what someone else takes 30 minutes. but that's just part of the learning process. i'll get faster the more i do it.

but, i still haven't worked in the kitchen more than just the back grill on Tuesday night (lots of burgers that night cuz it's half price burger night).

so, before i can move up much further, i have to get in that kitchen and cook everything. it's a scary thought, cuz it's so much and so fast and ... eek!

still not completely sure if this is exactly for me, but i'm still working as if this is the only option i have. for a week it's been working. i'm doing the best i can every day and trying to learn something each day. i'm trying.

it's been a month?

wow, time flies. i realized a couple of days ago that i hadn't blogged in a while, so i came to my site to see what it even looked like and saw that it had been almost a month since my last entry. then, this afternoon, i received a comment from a friend saying she hadn't heard from me via my blog in a while and wanted to encourage me to pick it up again. and so....

i've been busy. let's see ... after the week of my dad dying, i went to colorado to pack up my house and say goodbye to all my friends. that was another tiring week, but successful. my uncle drove all my stuff down here for me, i flew home, and we put it all in a storage unit. the next day i went back to work.

and since i've been back to work i haven't been the happiest camper in the world. but, i've had a slight change of heart and am working on having a new attitude ... you know, be happy with what i have, give it my all, one day at a time, work at it like i don't have any other choices, etc. It's only been two days, but so far it's working. *L*

another change in my life is that my mom is buying a house in town and selling her house/property out in the country. so now when i go visit i'll be IN Brenham again. it'll be strange in the beginning, but so much more convenient for all involved. but it'll be a good change for my mom once she gets settled in.

i decided a couple of days ago to make a list of all the changes/trauma/confusion that's been a part of my life over the last year. i was quite surprised. no wonder my heart is tired and hurting when i actually bother to look at it. i won't bother you with my confusion, but take my word for it ... the last year has been quite a montage of chaos. if it's not physical, it's mental. and if it's not mental, it's ... well, everything else.

*phew*

anyways ... be happy for what you DO have, instead of being upset about the things you don't have YET. and ... it's too early to quit. those two sentences are what i'm hanging on to with everything i have right now. that and the promises that God loves me and is taking care of me. those are the things keeping me going. otherwise, i'd be on a plane to Europe right now, with no job, no house, and no idea of what to do next (which, depending on my mood, isn't such a bad idea).

keeping hanging in there with me. and thanks for checking in.

until next time...

well...

it's been another difficult week....

friday, March 30, my mom called when i was getting ready for work to say she was on her way back to the hospital. my dad couldn't get out of bed because he was too weak, so the ambulance came out and took him to the hospital. they admitted him into ICU with 100% oxygen. his level was down into the 70s (normal is in the 90s) and even with 100% oxygen his level wouldn't get out of the 80s.

the following morning the hospital called my mom and said he was dying, so she hurried into the car and drove up there. she called me on her way, so instead of going to work, i called in, packed up some stuff, and headed to the hospital. about an hour later she called me saying he'd passed away. she'd missed him by about three minutes.

so the next 5 days was spent with family. monday we planned the funeral. tuesday was the visitation and wednesday was the service. a lot of people came to the visitation ... it was so nice to be supported by so many people ... it really encouraged my mom and me to know that so many people cared for my dad. there were also quite a lot of people at the funeral. we had our church pastor do the message, our favorite pianist play, and our favorite singer end the service with a really good song. everyone that attended seemed to be touched by the words and music of the service. and at the cemetery the masons performed the graveside service. all in all, it was very nice, though difficult.

my mom and i are very blessed to have our family and each other. we've been very supported, whether through cards, food, flowers, visits, or prayers. it's been even more encouraging to know that my dad is in Heaven.

it's been a very long week. and another one is coming. Sunday i fly to Colorado to pack up my house. the following Friday i will load it all into a truck, then fly back to Texas on Saturday. (my uncle has graciously offered to drive the truck from CO to TX for me.) probably on Sunday i'll unload everything from the truck into a storage unit, and then Monday i'll go back to work. PHEW!

so i guess that's about it for now. until later...