i tried

i've made a somewhat disappointing decision. i say that because i really wanted this to work. i really wanted to succeed. but i've come to the conclusion that i'm not Sonic material. i can do the work, but my heart doesn't find any pleasure in it.

i really wanted this to be THE thing for me. so i'm disappointed that since my first day i haven't been happy. i've been working 50+ hours on my feet for eight weeks (only?) and all i've experienced is stress, frustration, problems, anger, cussing, and overall badness of every kind, on a daily basis, which in turn has taken its toll on my heart.

thankfully everyone has been supportive and understanding. my cousin has been very kind in all of it, understanding fully how i feel, and yet proud of me for giving it a chance. he's even said that the door remains open, if after some time i decide i want to try again under different circumstances. timing, is of course everything. as is location. and maybe the volume of the store i've been in has an impact on me. and maybe so does the timing of my moving to Texas, my father's death, etc. right now, i don't foresee it, but you never know.

but as we all knew from the beginning, i would have never known unless i tried. and, well, i tried.

and now i will try something else.