what am i doing?

for the next month i am working out (with the goal of losing weight), tanning (cuz i feel better about myself if i'm tanner and skinnier), and helping my mom get her house in more in order. then, in July, my plan is to go to Europe on a tour for 18-35 year olds. it will cover Spain, France, Belgium, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, and the lovely city of London. the friend i made in Guatemala lives in Switzerland, so i'll see her and maybe travel with her for a little bit as well.

after that ... i will get a job, of course. don't know what i will find a job doing, but i will find one. i also don't know the location of that job search right now, but hopefully in August i will have it figured out.

until then, it's all about diet and exercise for me. i am feeling way icky about my body right now and will not go to Europe with strangers feeling the way i'm feeling about looking the way i'm looking. it's just important to me to travel while feeling good about myself.

i tried

i've made a somewhat disappointing decision. i say that because i really wanted this to work. i really wanted to succeed. but i've come to the conclusion that i'm not Sonic material. i can do the work, but my heart doesn't find any pleasure in it.

i really wanted this to be THE thing for me. so i'm disappointed that since my first day i haven't been happy. i've been working 50+ hours on my feet for eight weeks (only?) and all i've experienced is stress, frustration, problems, anger, cussing, and overall badness of every kind, on a daily basis, which in turn has taken its toll on my heart.

thankfully everyone has been supportive and understanding. my cousin has been very kind in all of it, understanding fully how i feel, and yet proud of me for giving it a chance. he's even said that the door remains open, if after some time i decide i want to try again under different circumstances. timing, is of course everything. as is location. and maybe the volume of the store i've been in has an impact on me. and maybe so does the timing of my moving to Texas, my father's death, etc. right now, i don't foresee it, but you never know.

but as we all knew from the beginning, i would have never known unless i tried. and, well, i tried.

and now i will try something else.

chinese buffet

there are three types of people... 1) prefers chinese off the menu, 2) prefers chinese buffet, 3) prefers a different food genre. when it comes to chinese food, i am #2. at least i used to be #2. but now that i'm in texas where it is seemingly impossible to find a good chinese buffet restaurant, i may become #1.

i didn't realize how lucky i was to have such a good chinese buffet restaurant within a 10-minute drive in Colorado. since moving back to Texas, i've been to two different restaurants in hopes of finding at least one similar food item on the buffet, but to my surprise, and disappointment, i have only found odd things that only barely taste good.

allow me to offer examples...

strangely large sweet and sour chicken. no steamed rice. chicken and broccoli without an ounce of soy sauce. very skinny lo mein noodles. and the worst of all ... donuts without sugar.

i keep thinking if i am determined enough, i will eventually find a place worthy of my business. until then, i encourage YOU to visit your favorite buffet and enjoy it while you've got it.

new responsibilities

i've mastered the ice cream machine. i know how to make all the drinks. i can carhop. and i've nearly mastered taking orders on the board (computer). i'm starting to "boss" the others around a little more each day, trying to show some leadership. i've learned how to do all the money stuff at the beginning, middle, and end of every day.

and most recently i've started learning payroll and inventory. i guess tomorrow or next week i'll start doing the inventory myself. it's basically just counting what we have, but some things, if it's half a box, is considered zero, but other things it's considered one. so i have to learn our patterns and needs. it'll take me two hours to do what someone else takes 30 minutes. but that's just part of the learning process. i'll get faster the more i do it.

but, i still haven't worked in the kitchen more than just the back grill on Tuesday night (lots of burgers that night cuz it's half price burger night).

so, before i can move up much further, i have to get in that kitchen and cook everything. it's a scary thought, cuz it's so much and so fast and ... eek!

still not completely sure if this is exactly for me, but i'm still working as if this is the only option i have. for a week it's been working. i'm doing the best i can every day and trying to learn something each day. i'm trying.

it's been a month?

wow, time flies. i realized a couple of days ago that i hadn't blogged in a while, so i came to my site to see what it even looked like and saw that it had been almost a month since my last entry. then, this afternoon, i received a comment from a friend saying she hadn't heard from me via my blog in a while and wanted to encourage me to pick it up again. and so....

i've been busy. let's see ... after the week of my dad dying, i went to colorado to pack up my house and say goodbye to all my friends. that was another tiring week, but successful. my uncle drove all my stuff down here for me, i flew home, and we put it all in a storage unit. the next day i went back to work.

and since i've been back to work i haven't been the happiest camper in the world. but, i've had a slight change of heart and am working on having a new attitude ... you know, be happy with what i have, give it my all, one day at a time, work at it like i don't have any other choices, etc. It's only been two days, but so far it's working. *L*

another change in my life is that my mom is buying a house in town and selling her house/property out in the country. so now when i go visit i'll be IN Brenham again. it'll be strange in the beginning, but so much more convenient for all involved. but it'll be a good change for my mom once she gets settled in.

i decided a couple of days ago to make a list of all the changes/trauma/confusion that's been a part of my life over the last year. i was quite surprised. no wonder my heart is tired and hurting when i actually bother to look at it. i won't bother you with my confusion, but take my word for it ... the last year has been quite a montage of chaos. if it's not physical, it's mental. and if it's not mental, it's ... well, everything else.

*phew*

anyways ... be happy for what you DO have, instead of being upset about the things you don't have YET. and ... it's too early to quit. those two sentences are what i'm hanging on to with everything i have right now. that and the promises that God loves me and is taking care of me. those are the things keeping me going. otherwise, i'd be on a plane to Europe right now, with no job, no house, and no idea of what to do next (which, depending on my mood, isn't such a bad idea).

keeping hanging in there with me. and thanks for checking in.

until next time...

well...

it's been another difficult week....

friday, March 30, my mom called when i was getting ready for work to say she was on her way back to the hospital. my dad couldn't get out of bed because he was too weak, so the ambulance came out and took him to the hospital. they admitted him into ICU with 100% oxygen. his level was down into the 70s (normal is in the 90s) and even with 100% oxygen his level wouldn't get out of the 80s.

the following morning the hospital called my mom and said he was dying, so she hurried into the car and drove up there. she called me on her way, so instead of going to work, i called in, packed up some stuff, and headed to the hospital. about an hour later she called me saying he'd passed away. she'd missed him by about three minutes.

so the next 5 days was spent with family. monday we planned the funeral. tuesday was the visitation and wednesday was the service. a lot of people came to the visitation ... it was so nice to be supported by so many people ... it really encouraged my mom and me to know that so many people cared for my dad. there were also quite a lot of people at the funeral. we had our church pastor do the message, our favorite pianist play, and our favorite singer end the service with a really good song. everyone that attended seemed to be touched by the words and music of the service. and at the cemetery the masons performed the graveside service. all in all, it was very nice, though difficult.

my mom and i are very blessed to have our family and each other. we've been very supported, whether through cards, food, flowers, visits, or prayers. it's been even more encouraging to know that my dad is in Heaven.

it's been a very long week. and another one is coming. Sunday i fly to Colorado to pack up my house. the following Friday i will load it all into a truck, then fly back to Texas on Saturday. (my uncle has graciously offered to drive the truck from CO to TX for me.) probably on Sunday i'll unload everything from the truck into a storage unit, and then Monday i'll go back to work. PHEW!

so i guess that's about it for now. until later...

sale pending

my house is in the process of being sold! :-) the closing is May 2, so i'm thinking of returning to Colorado the week of April 9 to pack up my stuff and say "see ya later" to friends and mountains.

i continue to work really hard at Sonic. the hours on my feet are still very tiring and painful, but i'm getting more used to it as each hour passes. the girls are warming up to me, for the most part, and most of us are getting along a lot better now, but the work is still enormously busy, hectic, and somewhat stressful on a continual basis. i've mostly been working in the front doing drinks and ice cream, but one night last week i worked in the kitchen, and i've been training a couple of girls in the front. that's helped speed the last week up a bit ... i need changes in my job like that.

otherwise, things are good. :-)

change

i worked a full week in the front ... i made drinks, smoothies, shakes, sundaes, cones, blasts, slushes, and scooped a truck full of ice. i was thrilled to have a day off. it was nice to not have to stand up for 8+ hours on Sunday. :-)

but monday brought another full day of work, but with talk of moving to the kitchen. i was happy to talk about it and consider it, but scared to commit to it. but today i had no choice. i was delegated. :-)

so for two hours i worked in the kitchen doing a little of everything. it was slow enough that i was able to dress a burger and learn what goes on a chicken strip wrap w/o feeling pressure to perform under 10 seconds. but around 4:00 or so i got put on the grill to cook meat. Tuesdays are half-price burger night, so we have to have a TON of meat ready to go after 5. so, i learned what to do on the grill and worked it until 8. i cooked meat, bacon, and grilled chicken, and cleaned the grills. it was hot, splattery, and easy. i handled it well. :-)

and so, that's about all i have to say about that. OH, the guys in the kitchen are WAY cooler than the girls in the front. they joke with me. they introduce themselves to me. they ask me how long i've been working there. they welcomed me and said it was cool to have me working in the kitchen with them. it was much easier to handle mentally because of the crew.

my house is selling. the inspection was on monday. don't know yet how that went, but assume since i haven't heard anything that it went fairly easy. not really sure when i'll get back to Colorado to pack it all up, but if all continues to go well i'll have to be out of there by the end of April.

i guess that's about it for now.

oh, and trailer life is just fine. :-)

progress report

i'm faster. i'm learning where things are. i'm mastering the ice cream and blending machines. i'm remembering the differences between items that sound and look alike. basically, i'm getting better. but i'm still tired.

and not only am i getting better at the front, i'm observing things i do and do not like that happen throughout the day with the employees and managers. if i can survive and be successful at my attempt to manage a store, i know what will and will not happen in MY store that is allowed in this one. i'm thankful for the chance to be a witness to these things. hopefully i'll be better for it.

our averages for today were under 5o seconds for drinks and just under two minutes for food. that's REALLY fast (and consistent from day to day), but apparently not fast enough. according to a managers meeting yesterday, it is a desire of someone (probably corporate) to get food out even faster. some stores are reporting 50 seconds for food! that's crazy and probably unacceptable as far as quality goes. then you have the other extreme ... i'd go to a store in Colorado and wait over five minutes just for a drink!

honestly, if i were managing right now, i'd be more than happy with three minutes for food. not only is that still very fast, but then it doesn't put so much pressure on the front to make a drink with a ton of fizz be ready to go out when the food's ready, especially when they have ten+ other drinks to make, plus ice cream items like banana splits and blasts (read dairy queen blizzard copy cat). two people in the front can only do so much. and five people in the kitchen can't do much better.

maybe i'm wrong, but i'm thinking if you spend a little more time making the food, you could cut a member of your team from having to be there, therefore serve the same amount of customers with less cost for labor. please tell me, am i wrong? i probably am. and i'll probably learn that the hard way one day when i have a chance to make the schedule. oh well.

anyways ... that's what i'm thinking and going through right now. i'm very tired and very ready for my day off. i'm going to drive to my parents' house on saturday after work, spend the night, and then spend sunday with my family doing sit-down things. :-)

just two more days, just two more days....

it's only day two?

oh my goodness. i've worked 20 hours and it seems like a week has gone by. wait, that sounds familiar. oh yeah! Guatemala! wow ... talk about similarities.

today was my long day ... 11 hours with no break, no sitting, no casual dining, and hardly any talking. i'm exhausted, again.

the positive is that i almost mastered the ice cream machine today. i successfully made several items without making a huge mess (but once i didn't have such success). the trick is to pull slowly. :-)

the people in this store cuss all the time. they smoke. they move fast. they complain. they talk faster than auctioneers. the girls are rude, bossy, and not afraid to tell you when you do something wrong. the guys are helpful, kind, and actually introduce themselves (to me).

the only time i talked about anything was after work when i Ricky and i were going home. when i was asking him a question, my voice actually sounded weird to me because i hadn't heared it conversationally in so long. throughout the day the only things i say are, "order up", and the names of items. M&M Blast, ice, large cups, chocolate shake, ORDER UP!!!

and now that another day has ended entirely too quickly, i must go to bed and get ready for another one.

first day on the job

oh my ... what have i gotten myself into? eight hours went by and i never sat down, never stood still, never stopped thinking, and didn't even talk to anyone. i have begun...

the ice cream machine doesn't like me ... everytime i touch it it spews ice cream everywhere. i can't remember to use both diet cherry juice and diet Sprite for the Diet Cherry Limeade. and there are two blue drinks that are actually different, but i keep making the same one over and over. i get busy making drinks for one order, but when i look up there are seven more and then i get lost.

when orders stopped for more than two seconds (which wasn't often, by the way), i filled ice, cups, lids, and limes. well, i should say i tried to fill those items. the minute i returned from the stock room with cups i had more drinks to make.

does it ever stop??? *sigh* i'm tired.

i was told i did much better than i think i did, especially compared with others' first days. but then again, i do have some experience to fall back on, even if it was 13 years ago. i still feel unsuccessful for the most part though. but that's just my perfectionism talking i guess.

my schedule is going to be busy and tiring. i hope i can survive. i think it'll go something like this... monday, thursday, friday, and saturday: 9-5; tuesday: 9-8; wednesday: 4-close. sunday: off. if i'm counting correctly, that's about 51 hours. and no, that doesn't include a break or lunch. for some that's a piece of cake. for me, at this point, it's an entire cake with a couple of tiers and layers. i hope, with a little time, it'll get easier again. today, as my feet and lower back ache, i'm fearful.

i have to remember my first days in Guatemala and how hard and impossible it all seemed. after 5 weeks or so i was feeling a bit successful. hopefully Sonic won't take that long.

a new life

so i've finally decided to go back to work. i'll be working as an assistant manager of a Sonic in Kingwood, Texas. i'll be living about 10 miles away from there in my parents' travel trailer in an RV park. the trailer is a nice one ... 35-feet long, three slide-outs, a fireplace even! and the park is really open and clean, has a pool, laundry, basic cable channels, and wireless internet (and the rent is much cheaper than in an apartment).

one good point is that it's all temporary. the timeframe is unknown, but as soon as i'm ready to be a manager of my own store and a position opens up, i'll be taking it and probably moving again. so, the second good point is that a travel trailer is easy to move (wheels!) and the space is being paid for month to month, so there's no contract i have to get out of. and the third good point is that it's furnished, so i don't have to worry about moving all my stuff from Colorado into a new place just to move it again in 6 months.

when my house sells, i'll move everything into a storage unit nearby and wait until the timing is right to buy a new house.

until then, i start working on Monday (March 12). my cousin owns this particular store, so he's going to be teaching me all the finer points of management. all the operations of the store í'll have to learn on my own with the help of the employees. i'm quite a bit nervous because i haven't worked in such an environment in 13 years. it's fast and crazy nearly all day long, with no breaks, eating while working, hardly sitting down, and 6 days a week. some days i'll have to be there at 6:30 in the morning and others i'll have to start at 4 in the afternoon. granted, i've done all this before, but i was 16 at the time.

anyways...

my family is thrilled to have me close by again. and it's good to have a job where i know the potential for growth is available and totally up to me and my abilities. and even though the temporary-ness of my life right now is kinda freakin' me out, i know that's good too.

so, that's what's going on. i'm not sure when i'm going to make it back to Colorado. this wasn't my initial plan when i left a few weeks ago, but it's the best decision for now. my new plan is to work until my house sells, then come back to Colorado to pack it up and move, then go back to work. hopefully when that happens i'll see most of you for at least a few minutes. :-)

my phone number will stay the same until my house sells. but if you need my physical address, you can mail stuff to my parents' house...

Jenny Mills
c/o Oma Mills
8775 Lone Star Rd.
Washington, TX 77880

i know i can do anything i set my mind to, but i'm worried i don't have the stamina for this kind of work anymore. when you think of me, i would appreciate your prayers for my body. i haven't stood for 8 hours in a long time. thanks. :-)

life in Texas

i've been in Texas for nearly two weeks. a few days after i arrived, my dad was released from the hospital, so i've been here taking care of him.

my days consist of making breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner. every four hours i have to give him some medicine. once a day i walk down to check the mail and feed the horses. the rest of my time is spent encouraging my dad to exercise, using the Internet, watching TV, or going to the grocery store. all the other stuff my mom takes care of either before or after work.

things, overall, are going ok. my dad still can't breathe, but he's learning how to deal with it better. he's on oxygen 24/7. the physical therapist comes out three times a week and works with him and has given us at-home exercises to do. he's getting stronger every day as far as muscles in his legs go, but his lungs aren't getting better. nature of the beast, apparently.

the Lord has really been faithful in blessing me with strength, patience, and contentment. i've been really surprised in my ability to talk with both my parents, during conflict even, and be of help.

right now this is where i'm supposed to be and i am content with that. as for my future, i don't know what God has in store for me. i have to wait for that day to come when He chooses to reveal it to me. otherwise, i will continue my work here.

P.S. my house is still for sale. i've had a few more showings, but no offers yet.

help!

i am going to Texas ... don't know how long i will be there, but am staying flexible. basically you can call it a visit since my house hasn't sold yet. therefore, for all those in Colorado, you WILL see me again. as my dad would say, "is that a promise or a threat?" well, both, probably. :-)

in preparing to go there, i've realized how much i failed the last time i was there. my dad was at home for one week and in the hospital for the second week of my visit. and i really didn't handle the situation well at all. basically i withdrew into my mom's camp of the negative and critical natures that are so much a part of me. i withdrew from my dad because i didn't know how to handle him being sick, irritable, at home, and in the hospital. i've never had to do this before, so my first attempt should naturally be awkward and imperfect. however, i still feel badly about it.
and so, for my second attempt, i pray i will be better. i pray i will seek the Lord's wisdom when my dad says, "no, i don't feel like walking." i pray i will not be so critical of everything he does or does not do. and i pray i will find understanding in his situation so i can better relate to him.

overall, i'm not really sure what the Lord has in store for my time there, but i pray, mostly, that i will be a vessel for His love. other than that, i just ask for help from Him to keep me strong and open. i know for a fact that i can't succeed without Him.

tell me a story!

so i went away for about 10 days to visit friends in Florida and Maryland. during the trip, i requested of my friends, "tell me a story!" for whatever reason, none of them were very creative.

being back from Guatemala, i realized i shared too much on this site about my life there. so much so that those who actually read the blog now know everything and don't need to ask any questions, therefore, i don't really get to share any stories.

i can't remedy the problem now, but i have learned what not to do next time.

and so, i will now share about my trip to FL and MD...

i went to Animal Kingdom at Disney World and felt like a kid again. i very much enjoyed myself, but was slightly disappointed in the safari ride. in MD i walked around a VERY large mall, played lots of games, attended a very good concert, felt like a kid again (or at least a teenager), and said a couple of times, "tell me a story!"

i just told you a story, now you tell me one.... :-)