what an adventure!

Today turned out nothing like I had planned. But isn’t that always the case here in Guatemala?

Susanne wanted to go to Chichicastenango and had mentioned it to me last weekend, but didn’t officially ask me to join her. then given the week I had, I hadn’t really planned on going, nor really wanted to, but since she was going and this would be the last day to really hang out with her, I decided to join her. she had to go back to the travel agency to give them our address, so I told her to buy my ticket too, which she did. So this morning we get up at about 6 and are ready a few minutes before 7 which is when the shuttle is supposed to pick us up. We wait. And wait. And wait some more. Finally it’s about 7:45 and she decides to pull out the ticket stub to check the information. The time is right, the date is right, but the address is wrong. *sigh*

We start walking towards the school. her ticket still says the school, but my ticket was supposed to have our home address on it. but the girl at the agency put the wrong address, and not just the wrong number, but the wrong street completely. So we go to the school and of course there is no van. So we walk downtown towards the travel agency, which of course we knew would be closed, but maybe the van will be there looking for us. But there was no one. So we walk to the bus station, finally find the bus going to Chimaltenango which will lead us to the bus to Chichi. And so we pile on.

When this first bus left the lot it was pretty empty, but by the time it reached the edge of town it was packed FULL of people. For those of you who have never had the pleasure of seeing one of these buses, let alone ON one of these, let me describe it…

This is a Blue Bird manufactured (note for family) school bus, brightly painted, and locally named Chicken Bus. Thankfully today there weren’t any chickens, but I assume long ago and maybe even periodically nowadays there were/are chickens. These buses run all over town and all over the country, stopping quite often to pick people up and drop people off. I guess there’s some kind of schedule, but I don’t understand it. Nonetheless, Guatemalans line the streets, city and country, and wait eagerly to board the bus.

This bus, driven by one guy and accompanied by at least one other guy who stands in the doorway, hauls butt down the streets in order to come to a screeching hault at the speed bump clearly visible from the time he floored it, or to pick up more passengers. And then speeds off again, only to come to another stop 100 feet down the road. Thankfully this wasn’t the case the entire way to Chichi, but still, it has often.

Once your feet touch the floor of the bus, it takes off. And now the fun begins. You attempt to maneuver your way down the middle of the bus (because of course the seats in the front are completely full), literally squeezing through people’s legs, bags, butts, children, whatever happens to be hanging off the sides of the seats because of how many people they’ve previously squeezed into the bus before you boarded. When you see an empty INCH of space on a seat, you sit down. Remember, this is all while the bus is moving. Oh, and stopping to pick up more people. And go over speed bumps, sometimes at an angle. And turning left and right through a city or winding over a mountainous road that of course isn’t straight.

Once you’re seated, you hold on. That is, if you’re on the edge of the seat. If you’re against the window or in the middle, you don’t need to hold on cuz the people on either side of you holds you in place. Seriously. But if you’re on the edge of the seat, you could very well slide off of that inch of leather and land in the floor. So you hold on, for dear life. And at the next stop, anywhere from one to ten people get on or get off. Well, not only have you already had your personal space invaded, but now, the people getting on or off have to squeeze through the middle of the bus, inevitably sliding their butts, stomachs, and other unmentionables across your butt, chest, legs, head, etc. in order to get by you (remember, you’re IN the aisle as it is, trying to sit) so that they can find an inch of material to place their one butt cheek.

Now, if this weren’t enough, at certain stops you’ll have people enter the bus from the front or back carrying food and yelling out the name and price of it, attempting to make their way through the bus to sell their wonderful product. We bought some fried plantains for Q1.50 and Q1 on two different occasions. But you could also get peanuts, chips, soda, french fries, and something cooked including a tortilla. Anyways, they would sell their stuff and sometimes ride along for a few minutes, then jump out the back while the bus was moving.

Ok, so once you’re on and seated, the man who stands in the doorway comes making his way through the bus to collect the money. Seeing as how we have no clue how much bus fare to the first village costs, this guy could have totally screwed us, but we paid Q4 each for this 30 minute ride to Chimaltenango. He somehow remembers who he needs to collect money from, which in and of itself is amazing. Especially considering he jumps on and off the bus EVERY time it stops. So he sees a lot of faces coming and going, yet remembers who he needs to go to on the bus to collect money from. Amazing. So he’s squeezing his body through all the people, swaying left and right, occasionally holding on the bar on the roof or just leaning up against someone seated behind him for balance.

Here’s the kicker. Sometimes he comes back up to the front of the bus by way of the inside. Other times, this guy will climb out the back of the bus, traverse the top of the bus which can include many items such as luggage, boxes, who knows what, and then climb back down at the front of the bus and re-enter through the door. ALL WHILE THE BUS IS FLYING DOWN THE HIGHWAY!!! When I saw this guy come down from the roof while we were doing at least 50 through the mountains I about FREAKED out. I had totally forgotten about him squeezing past me 20 minutes earlier. Oh my goodness.

So this guy jumps out the front door before the bus is completely stopped lets people on or off, then jumps back on as the bus pulls away. He also helps honk the horn every 10 seconds at people or animals on the side of the road, at slower vehicles in front, at the upcoming stops, at his friends, etc. and at certain areas he yells the location of where the bus is going. Guatemala City has a great name … “GUAT-Y, GUAT-Y, GUAT-Y”.
Ok. Now that you have a good picture in your head, let me continue MY adventure of the day. So we’re on the bus, semi-comfortable, leaving Antigua. We collect people, pay our Q4 per person, pick up some more people, and then we get crammed in. I was completely up against the window, Susanne was right up against me, and another person was squeezed in on her other side. We were secure from much movement and discussed how you really should at least LIKE the person you get on the bus with, otherwise it could be quite uncomfortable. We laughed. We arrived in Chimaltenango where we need to change buses. Thankfully our co-driver told us to get off. That was very nice of him, otherwise I don’t know where we would have ended up.

So we get off, look around, wonder where we are and what to do next. We cross the street, see a bus, and ask if it goes to Chichi. He says yes so we get on. We have lots of room, but we’re in the back. Off we go for the next 2 hours. we talk, we laugh, we look at the window, we bob up and down because of the horrible road forcing us to nearly hit our heads and throw up. We arrive somewhere official looking where we pick up a bunch of people and get the option to buy food. We take off again. Finally the co-driver tells us it’s time for us to get off. So we squeeze up to the front, while the bus continues to haul you know what down the highway. We get to the front and ask each other “is he sure? Where are we?” the bus stops, we get off, and ask “Chichi?” and the guy says yes. The bus pulls away.

We look at where we are and we are in the middle of nowhere. There are tuk-tuks lined up behind us and a man approaches to ask of our need. We tell him we want to go to Chichi and he tells us we need to get another a bus because it’s 10 kilometers the direction we just came from. WHAT??? So we cross the street, go down to the little bus stop and wait. I’m not really sure how long we waited, but I think it was close to half an hour. We asked every chicken bus and tour bus that passed and slowed down if they were going to Chichi and everyone said no. finally, a chicken bus arrives who will take us.

There is no room for us so we stand in the front. My butt could have shifted for the driver, that’s how close I was. Seriously. It was really good that I wasn’t facing the window or I would have been scared. Instead, I faced the people and Susanne and just laughed at the situation and held on through every curve. They take us back to the place where we picked up all the people and the food vendors and tell us to get off to get on another bus. These two buses cost us Q5 each.

So we cross the street and make our way towards some other buses and one guy hollers out “Chichi!” so we board. This bus is FULL already and we’re getting on. Good night! Susanne sits down on an edge of seat in the front, I squeeze past a few seats and find another edge. This is where I really experience the sliding-butt fun. Oh my goodness. My arms are seriously sore from having to hold on so tightly. My left butt cheek was the only thing on the seat. I was holding on to the seat opposite me, in front and back. And then people needed to get by me. I was touched by so many body parts today, I couldn’t help but laugh. It was just amazing.

This old guy next to me decides he wants to drink his can of soda. So he half stands up, reaches above him to his bag, and pulls it out with a straw. Sits back down and pops the lid. Well, hello?! We all know what happens to soda when you shake it!!! and basically this bus has been shaking his soda for who knows how long and now he wants to drink it. and of course it spews all over him. There was no way for me to know if I got any of it on me or not until I got off the bus, so I just shook my head and said to myself, “my mom is gonna love hearing about this.” :-)

Finally we arrive. Wow. What a trip. It took Q29 and 3.5 hours, but here we were in Chichicastenango on market day. If you are a tourist, you will eventually come here. This place was FULL of tourists and Guatemalans trying to sell them their stuff. The market is HUGE. And just keeps going and going. You think you’re at the end, but there’s more! Everywhere you turn there are people and stuff and people trying to sell the stuff. It’s amazing. There are tons of stuff here, anything from jewelry to toilet paper. Vegetables to candles. Anything you need, you can get it here. All kinds of stuff they make here like woven tablecloths, wooden animals, knives, pipes, t-shirts, everything. And at the back of the market is the food section. Flies are everywhere. Dogs are walking aimlessly, probably peeing on food someone will eventually buy. And meat is hanging. Remember, this is outside. And there is chicken and beef hung up, raw, and in the heat, with flies buzzing all around. It was really messed up. I can’t imagine buying food from here, even if I were desperate. It’s just a really bad illness waiting to happen.

Anyways… By this time we’re starving, so we walk a little ways into the market, stop to look at someone’s stuff, and this white guy stops us and asks us, “Are women wearing chokers these days?” WHAT? *sigh* I answer him, “you know, I really don’t have a clue. It’s not my style at all and honestly I don’t really think they’re all that attractive, so I can’t answer that.” So he starts talking to me. He’s from Oregon. He comes here a lot, but I don’t know why, so I ask him where a good place to eat at is. Susanne keeps walking to look at stuff. He tells me the place behind us is good and he’s never gotten sick from there so I decide that is where we will eat. I leave him, go retrieve Susanne, and we go eat. we sat outside on the little terrace and watched people from above. It was nice. she had fish, I had spaghetti. We both spent Q50 plus a tip and moved on.

Ok. By this time it was 1:40 in the afternoon. Our shuttle bus that was supposed to bring us here was leaving Chichi at 2 p.m. to go home. Well, we discussed it and decided if we felt like we had seen what we needed to see by 2 we would try to catch the van back home because we really didn’t ENJOY the chicken bus journey. So we browsed a little, she bought a necklace, we saw a church, and walked back to the hotel where the van was supposed to leave from. But we were 10 minutes late or so because we figured, based on previous experience, it would be late as well. But there was no van. And no sign of any other van going to Antigua. *sigh* well, chicken bus it is. So given that, we might as well shop around some more for a while.

At about 3:30 we made our way back to the edge of town to find a bus. we get on and squeeze our butts onto the edge of some seats. I was wedged between a guy sleeping (that’s very normal here, but I don’t know how!) and a woman who was sharing the opposite seat edge. So holding on wasn’t really necessary after a while. We all just swayed with each other and got very familiar with each others’ bodies. We reach the one village where we change buses and it was easy. We get on and there are empty seats. And as we neared Chimaltenago, the bus filled up again. Then we change buses again to get back to Antigua. Again, starts out fairly empty but fills us fast. Both of these rides are crammed in next to each other against the window. I prefer these seats. 2.5 hours and Q24 later we were home.

We walk to Campero, the Guatemalan answer for KFC. When you get to the door, a security guard lets you in. We go up to the register to order our food and the guy asks if it’s for here or to go. We say here and he tells us to sit down. Ok, that’s weird, but whatever. We go sit down. A couple minutes later a girl comes by to give us silverware and placemats (paper). We order. The food comes. We eat. it’s good. Finally we get someone’s attention to order desert. Very good soft serve ice cream with the cones I actually like and for only Q3. what a deal! We FINALLY get the check, pay at the table, and leave. It’s fast food, but it’s a regular restaurant! Very strange, but I like it. I had two pieces of chicken, fries, a soda, and an ice cream cone for about Q35.

We walk home. Our muscles hurt. We’re tired. But at least it’s not midnight. And at least we’re at home and not in some unknown village.

I am very thankful to the drivers who helped us navigate our way today. Otherwise, we would have been very lost.

I am also very thankful that we remained safe despite the many cars, people, and animals we nearly hit because of suicide bus drivers passing 2 large trucks and one or two cars in a curve. I’m not kidding.

I’m also very thankful I had this experience. It beats the tourist van any day. Well, maybe not ANY day. :-) but getting a chance to experience life the way the locals do, priceless. And seeing some of the countryside as we whizzed by at rapid speeds, bobbing up and down, was also priceless.