i tried

i've made a somewhat disappointing decision. i say that because i really wanted this to work. i really wanted to succeed. but i've come to the conclusion that i'm not Sonic material. i can do the work, but my heart doesn't find any pleasure in it.

i really wanted this to be THE thing for me. so i'm disappointed that since my first day i haven't been happy. i've been working 50+ hours on my feet for eight weeks (only?) and all i've experienced is stress, frustration, problems, anger, cussing, and overall badness of every kind, on a daily basis, which in turn has taken its toll on my heart.

thankfully everyone has been supportive and understanding. my cousin has been very kind in all of it, understanding fully how i feel, and yet proud of me for giving it a chance. he's even said that the door remains open, if after some time i decide i want to try again under different circumstances. timing, is of course everything. as is location. and maybe the volume of the store i've been in has an impact on me. and maybe so does the timing of my moving to Texas, my father's death, etc. right now, i don't foresee it, but you never know.

but as we all knew from the beginning, i would have never known unless i tried. and, well, i tried.

and now i will try something else.

chinese buffet

there are three types of people... 1) prefers chinese off the menu, 2) prefers chinese buffet, 3) prefers a different food genre. when it comes to chinese food, i am #2. at least i used to be #2. but now that i'm in texas where it is seemingly impossible to find a good chinese buffet restaurant, i may become #1.

i didn't realize how lucky i was to have such a good chinese buffet restaurant within a 10-minute drive in Colorado. since moving back to Texas, i've been to two different restaurants in hopes of finding at least one similar food item on the buffet, but to my surprise, and disappointment, i have only found odd things that only barely taste good.

allow me to offer examples...

strangely large sweet and sour chicken. no steamed rice. chicken and broccoli without an ounce of soy sauce. very skinny lo mein noodles. and the worst of all ... donuts without sugar.

i keep thinking if i am determined enough, i will eventually find a place worthy of my business. until then, i encourage YOU to visit your favorite buffet and enjoy it while you've got it.

new responsibilities

i've mastered the ice cream machine. i know how to make all the drinks. i can carhop. and i've nearly mastered taking orders on the board (computer). i'm starting to "boss" the others around a little more each day, trying to show some leadership. i've learned how to do all the money stuff at the beginning, middle, and end of every day.

and most recently i've started learning payroll and inventory. i guess tomorrow or next week i'll start doing the inventory myself. it's basically just counting what we have, but some things, if it's half a box, is considered zero, but other things it's considered one. so i have to learn our patterns and needs. it'll take me two hours to do what someone else takes 30 minutes. but that's just part of the learning process. i'll get faster the more i do it.

but, i still haven't worked in the kitchen more than just the back grill on Tuesday night (lots of burgers that night cuz it's half price burger night).

so, before i can move up much further, i have to get in that kitchen and cook everything. it's a scary thought, cuz it's so much and so fast and ... eek!

still not completely sure if this is exactly for me, but i'm still working as if this is the only option i have. for a week it's been working. i'm doing the best i can every day and trying to learn something each day. i'm trying.

it's been a month?

wow, time flies. i realized a couple of days ago that i hadn't blogged in a while, so i came to my site to see what it even looked like and saw that it had been almost a month since my last entry. then, this afternoon, i received a comment from a friend saying she hadn't heard from me via my blog in a while and wanted to encourage me to pick it up again. and so....

i've been busy. let's see ... after the week of my dad dying, i went to colorado to pack up my house and say goodbye to all my friends. that was another tiring week, but successful. my uncle drove all my stuff down here for me, i flew home, and we put it all in a storage unit. the next day i went back to work.

and since i've been back to work i haven't been the happiest camper in the world. but, i've had a slight change of heart and am working on having a new attitude ... you know, be happy with what i have, give it my all, one day at a time, work at it like i don't have any other choices, etc. It's only been two days, but so far it's working. *L*

another change in my life is that my mom is buying a house in town and selling her house/property out in the country. so now when i go visit i'll be IN Brenham again. it'll be strange in the beginning, but so much more convenient for all involved. but it'll be a good change for my mom once she gets settled in.

i decided a couple of days ago to make a list of all the changes/trauma/confusion that's been a part of my life over the last year. i was quite surprised. no wonder my heart is tired and hurting when i actually bother to look at it. i won't bother you with my confusion, but take my word for it ... the last year has been quite a montage of chaos. if it's not physical, it's mental. and if it's not mental, it's ... well, everything else.

*phew*

anyways ... be happy for what you DO have, instead of being upset about the things you don't have YET. and ... it's too early to quit. those two sentences are what i'm hanging on to with everything i have right now. that and the promises that God loves me and is taking care of me. those are the things keeping me going. otherwise, i'd be on a plane to Europe right now, with no job, no house, and no idea of what to do next (which, depending on my mood, isn't such a bad idea).

keeping hanging in there with me. and thanks for checking in.

until next time...