Day Three at True North + Test Results

Day Three begins with waking just before 4am, but i went back to sleep until about 7:15am. as i was in the restroom the doctors came in to do rounds. very early today for our rooms, but that's ok. i'd rather they come now than have to wonder when they're coming.

BP 117/64, HR 64, TEMP 97.6, WT 148

also got the results of my blood work, though we're still waiting on the Vit D result.

Cholesterol: 126 - looks like HDL is 64 and LDL is 50 and VLDL (?) is 12.
Triglycerides: 62
Glucose: 66
B-12: 7

I'm in the normal range for everything, but on the sheet i'm marked low for cholesterol because the range is 150-200. i find that kind of strange since every time i have my cholesterol checked everyone has said it's good. the doctor who gave me the numbers said it's good, yet it's in the "abnormal" column. maybe it's "abnormally good" ?

B-12 has a range of 5-13, so while i'm inside the range, i could take a supplement to better it. that's one factor that vegans have issues with over time. usually meat eaters get plenty of B-12 because it comes from bacteria and meat holds a lot of bacteria. but over time as a vegetarian or vegan, the B-12 levels come down. so when i get home i may invest in that supplement.

there are two numbers on the report that are just slightly higher and slightly lower than the average range, so i'll have to do some research on those. the doctor said it's normal that they would fluctuate as such, but i don't know what they are. Neutrophils and Lymphocytes. i'll research that today and report back.

feeling good overall so far this morning. i had a little bit of congestion first thing, as well as yestrday. and was a little light headed when i got out of bed. but both of those are normal. i'm still eliminating toxins from my body even through phlegm. i feel a little hungry right now, but not "starving" feelings. my skin doesn't feel oily like i expected - usually i have very oily skin, especially after a couple of days of not bathing. my hair is usually really oily, too, but it's not. i do have some spots right around the edge of my hairline that are flaky and reddish and my legs & hands are dry. dryer and colder air here is also a part of that i'm sure. backache is gone this morning.

overall i'm feeling normal and healthy! there are two food demos today and a lecture this evening. i will probably go to the afternoon food demo and the lecture. i'm surprised at how easy fasting is here. i have no cravings for food, no desires to sneak over to the salad bar, nothing. i'm fasting - this is what i'm doing and i'm ok with it mentally. it's just strange because at home i can hardly deny anything! it helps to be in a facility like this i guess. i mean, if i wanted to fast for a few days at home, i would have to make sure my fridge and cupboards were bare and then do it over a weekend so i could stay home and just be. it's a lot easier when there is nothing readily available to eat. but when you're in a routine of going to work and eating three meals a day, i think you really have to have some spiritual connection to why you're fasting in order to succeed.

Fasting vs Starving

i just watched a video about water-only fasting by a doctor here on staff, Dr Michael Klaper. he talked about who should and should not fast, reasons why one fasts, what happens to your body during the fast, and how to break the fast. but one of the key things that i learned at the beginning of the lecture was the difference between fasting and starving. this definition stuck with me mostly because when i told my mom i was going to do a fast she said something to the effect of, "i don't understand why you want to starve yourself."

well, Mom, i'm not actually starving myself, and here's why...

fasting is a period of time in which your body eliminates retained water because of salt, fecal matter, and fat. the first several days you lose "water weight," and once all that is gone you start to lose actual fat. your body has a great ability to go a long period of time without additional food because you have stores of fat to keep you going. some have fasted up to 40 days or more. the max people do here is 40 days, the least would be 5.

but..... once your fat stores are used up, your body starts drawing on your muscles to get what it needs for energy. when you start losing muscle mass, THAT is when you are starving yourself.

the doctors here at True North do NOT want that to happen, so they keep a close eye on people and do not allow them to fast too long. most people can fast up to 40 days without any issue of losing muscle mass. however, if you're already a very thin person without much body fat and start a water-only fast, your muscle loss will occur in far less time than in someone who has 50 pounds to lose. that's why water-only fasting is such an individual science - there is no one formula for everyone.

anyway. i am definitely not starving myself with a 12-day water-only fast. yes, i feel hungry. naturally! but i am cleansing far more than anything else, and it's not really as hard as it may seem. if i were at home, working and doing my daily routine with food at the ready, yes it would be hard. VERY hard. that's why i'm here. i can be successful here, and start 2013 with a fresh, clean start.

Day Two at True North

Day Two at True North Health Center - i woke around 3:30am and couldn't go back to sleep. around 4:30 i got up and went to the restroom to eliminate more toxins and food from my system. i went back to bed for a couple of hours, but at 7:30 i just couldn't be in the bed anymore. after another trip to the restroom i weighed myself.

151.2 - a total loss so far of 5 pounds. most of that is water weight (from water retention) and waste. i won't start to lose actual fat for a few days. my stomach is usually distended daily, especially after eating a meal - most days i look pregnant. but with not eating and all the elimination of water and waste, my stomach is nearly flat and my hip bones are much more prominent.

now that i'm dressed and my bed is made, i'm sitting at the desk to use the computer and listening to music. and of course, drinking water. lots and lots of water. it's important to stay hydrated, plus water moves things and helps with elimination. it also helps with hunger.

yes, i have hunger pangs. a lot. the first few days are the worst, or so i've read. and as of this morning i am also feeling a little light headed. when i got out of bed at 7:30, i got up quickly and felt very dizzy. i'm ok now, but i have to remember not to spring out of bed!

so not only am i fasting from food, but i'm also fasting from exercise, toothpaste, deodorant, perfume, lotion, baths, and showers. there are a lot of reasons for that. first, your body needs a lot of rest while fasting. if you are too active you run the risk of fainting and losing muscle mass, neither of which is good. the more i sit idle, the more my internal body heals, eliminates, and detoxifies and i don't use up my store of muscles. besides, you don't really desire to do too much while fasting anyway because you're more tired than normal. i may desire to go running, but i would definitely not get very far before heading back to the bed or couch. :-)

secondly, my taste buds and brain are being retrained through the absence of all things taste and smell. i am giving them a vacation from all the work they've been doing for the last 37 years and allowing them to renew, restore, rejuvenate. when it comes time for me to eat again, my sense of taste and smell will be sensitive and heightened so much that i will enjoy food on a new level. maybe even enjoy foods i haven't enjoyed before. and those things that i thought tasted great before, the junk food things, will hopefully not taste as wonderful (too salty, too sweet, etc). as well, the lack of taste and smell will help me not crave those things while i'm fasting.

for example, yesterday when i went to see Dr Sultana i walked into a room filled with the smell of carrot cake. it was really difficult to sit there for nearly 30 minutes waiting on the doctor while smelling cinnamon, one of my most favorite scents, and turning down a slice of carrot cake. (but i did.)

and as for bathing, well, that is because of blood pressure being affected by hot water. have you ever taken a hot bath and felt kinda woozy as you're sitting there or getting out? or notice how relaxed you get in a hot tub? if you're not eating, your energy is very low to begin with. put your body in a pool of hot water and you end up draining what energy you have left and you can possibly get into danger. so, they recommend not bathing the normal way while you're fasting. i can sponge bathe. i might be able to wash my hair - i have to ask today. but i need to do everything i can to conserve as much energy as possible.

so while i'm here there are lectures, food demonstrations, and other things planned every day. i can choose to participate or do my own thing. i am not to leave the premises while fasting - that's for my benefit, in case i get into physical trouble. plus if i'm running around town i'm not conserving energy and resting. today we have an exercise thing at 10, food demo at 2, and movie at 6:30.

i have work to do, afghan to knit, books to read, and movies to watch, so when i feel up to it i will have plenty to keep me occupied. today i will probably do a little of everything and a lot of nothing. :-)

morning rounds just happened: BP 119/75, HR 54, TEMP unknown, WT 151.2

Journey Continues at True North Health Center

i've decided to take one more "extreme" step into my year-long food journey and experiment with water-only fasting. through Engine 2 Extra via a webcast with Dr. Alan Goldhamer i heard about True North Health Center in Santa Rosa, CA and immediately started researching. i read The Pleasure Trap by Drs Goldhamer and Lisle, and read the section on fasting twice. And after much thought i finally decided i wanted to do a fast.

so here i am now for just shy of three weeks. this is my second full day and my second day of fasting. i came in on monday night, got checked in, the grand tour, and shown to my room. a few minutes later a couple of doctors came by to check my blood pressure, heart rate, temperature, and weight. all was good. i weighed in at about 156 that night with regular clothes on. they showed me to the dining room where i made a salad to eat. they have a salad bar that's available 24/7 to those who are eating.

yes, you can choose to come here and eat while learning more about nutrition and living in a peaceful environment. or you can choose to fast. or you may not be a candidate for fasting right away because of illness or medication, but you are still welcome here to learn and eat healthily and get help from great doctors who don't want you taking medicine. all the doctors here believe in improving your health through nutrition, not meds.

so yesterday i woke up rather early. i went to the bathroom, weighed myself, got dressed, made my bed, and just hung out in my room working on the computer and watching tv. around 9am a doctor came in and took my vitals. BP 125/68, HR 48, TEMP 97.6, WT 154. he agreed i could start fasting and left. at 2pm i met with Dr. Sultana, one of the MDs here on staff. we discussed my exercise-induced asthma, acne, and food addiction. he measured my height and did a simple exam, asked a lot of questions, and typed a lot of info into the computer. he agreed i could start fasting and could continue to fast for 12 days. he, as well as Dr. Goldhamer, feels i will have success with fasting.

at 6:30pm i went to a lecture by Jim Lennon. he's a funny older guy who's been a vegan for 35 years. he talked about how i am the CEO of my company (my body) and i should take all necessary steps every single day to live as such - meaning, i make the rules and i should follow them. as the CEO i make the rules of how my company is going to run and if i wouldn't allow an employee to eat junk food or meat in his office, i shouldn't either.

we made a list of excuses/problems/concerns/stumbling blocks. then we made a list of strategies to succeed in spite of all those things. and then we made a list of whys - why do we want to succeed in eating healthy. and the why of that. and the why of that. until we got to the innermost core of what we really want. i wrote down as my last why, "because if i can control my health then at least i have that, if nothing else (no friends, no partner, no family), at least i have my health."

what that means is, i can control my health and i want to control something. that may be good or bad, i don't know, but at least i know i can control that. does that mean i'll never get sick? no. but at least i am taking steps to prevent illness as much as possible. i'm making conscious efforts every day to not allow any more junk in my life. my mind has enough junk in it, which i try to control through prayer and positive thinking, but my body is controlled by my actions. the more i act to please my tongue, the more chance of getting sick, getting fat, feeling yucky, feeling tired, developing disease, etc. BUT, the more i act to please my body as a whole, the better i feel, the better i look, the chance of getting sick or developing disease goes down, and i feel in control of ME. I AM THE CEO OF ME!

so anyway... here are some videos of my journey at True North so far.

INTRO:

Day One:

Stay tuned for more updates about my journey over the next 17 days! Visit www.HealthPromoting.com for more info about True North, fasting, and a health promoting lifestyle.

your tongue is evil

the Bible says your tongue is evil. here are a few references...

• Psa 50:19 Your mouth is filled with wickedness, and your tongue is full of lies.
• Psa 52:2 All day long you plot destruction. Your tongue cuts like a sharp razor; you're an expert at telling lies.
• Jam 3:6 And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

It amazes me that we as humans can, in the same breath, bring blessing and curses. now, naturally, this isn't just from our tongue. our whole nature is involved. sin. it's the root cause of the cursing, whereas God's perfect nature is the root of the blessings.

so why am i bringing this up? well, multiple reasons really. i have a tendency to say the meanest things to the people i love the most. when i'm in a bad mood, i don't keep it to myself. i have a very short fuse at times and the smallest of things will set me off. usually it's family. my dogs. and the driver ahead of me.

as well, i feel my tongue is not only controlled by my sinful nature, but my tongue (and yours) is controlled by the very things that make it unique... taste buds! that's right, i said it. taste buds control my tongue, and thus control me, or at least try to.

(Golden Girls tv show flashback coming...) Picture it... Your kitchen, 2012, you stand in front of two plates. on the left is a plate full of cold, dry lettuce. on the right is a fresh-out-of-the-oven cinnamon roll topped with pecans and cream cheese frosting. you have a choice. you know you have a choice. your brain says one thing, your tongue screams another.

you tell me, who usually wins? the brain or the tongue? ok, maybe cinnamon rolls aren't your thing and you are one of those very few people in the world who lives for salad. Picture it: Your kitchen, 2012, you stand in front of two plates. on the left is a plate of lettuce. on the right is a plate of lettuce, egg, ham, bacon, crutons, cheese, and drizzled on top is creamy ranch dressing. NOW who wins? the left (brain) or the right (tongue)?

if you're not ever saying the right side, you're lying, and hence your tongue is evil anyway, no matter what food you choose! :-)

seriously though. my tongue (taste buds) lies to me. i know it, God knows it, and the tongue sure as heck knows it because it often gets exactly what it wants! it's like that famous picture in the cartoons is actually true. the one where you have two angels atop your shoulders. the heavenly angel on the left and the devilish angel on the right. we are constantly faced with decisions. constantly! and no, we don't always get it right.

we rarely think before we speak. more often than not we scream out before counting to 5, or 10, or 30. we're selfish as a whole and we want temporary pleasure more than anything. that's just the way it is people.

but at least now i'm aware that my tongue is filled with much more than verbal wickedness. now i can control it better. i can tell it, "you don't control me. i'm not here to give YOU pleasure. my very existence in this world is not to live to eat all the sugary, salty goodness out there & make you happy. here, taste this fruit and shut up!"

just because it's vegan...

today i felt out of control with the munchies. i had pumpkin flax granola bars this afternoon, just because they taste good. and after dinner i promptly ate three squares of chocolate cake. i was just going to have a bite. and then one more bite. but.... it turned into finishing it off. "go on, eat it, get it out of here!"

ya know, just because it's made with whole wheat flour, no dairy, and no oil, doesn't make it healthy enough to eat the entire thing in one sitting. i mean, really!

so, i'm chalking today up as a minor setback in the control area. i'm definitely still IN control and feeling successful in that area overall. i mean, this morning i had the choice of sitting in a meeting hungry, or eating sugary junk food for breakfast. i chose to drink water and wait until the meeting was over to eat my healthy breakfast. but what's more successful is that i didn't even have to think twice about it. truly, it felt very natural to not even desire it. so yes, that in itself is success.

had that chocolate cake not even been in my kitchen for the last several days (thanks, Mom), i wouldn't have eaten it. so, yeah, lesson learned. don't have anything that's tempting like that in my house.

just because it's vegan, doesn't mean it's healthy.

Do Tonsils Really Count?

i thought of something yesterday regarding my recent ability to run without having an asthma attack ... i had my tonsils out two years ago. they were very infected on a continual basis and caused me many illnesses my entire life. since then i've had a sore throat two times and one minor cold.

i wonder ... as i wander ... did that have more of an impact than i'm giving credit for?

honestly, i think there are a number of factors involved. Tonsil removal. Diet. Age. i think those are three key contributors to my recent exercise success.

does my asthma still flare up? oh yeah. but it's not a hindrance to me anymore.

Ironic Commercial

i saw a funny commercial this morning while running at the gym. well, it wasn't meant to be funny, but i thought it was, given all that i've been learning lately. it was a commercial for Zyrtec allergy medicine. it showed people sneezing and then grabbing balled-up tissues from their pockets. this guy goes to pay for something and has to sift through his tissue to find his dollar. at the end it shows him handing his money to this kid who then gives him a two-scoop ice cream cone.

anyone see the irony?

animal dairy is a cause of allergies. many different kinds. actually, dairy causes all kinds of problems. and seriously, for some, the avoidance of such products alleviates many issues, one of which is allergies. now for others, this isn't entirely true. we all have things we are prone to having no matter what we eat or do.

BUT ... it's quite possible that guy on the commercial wouldn't be sneezing so much if he'd quit eating ice cream and other animal dairy.

Cravings & Dopamine

i read this excerpt the other day and something really resonated with me, so much so i wanted to share it with you. the parts that i think are really impressive are highlighted.

the reason this made such an impact on me is because, for 36 years i have felt controlled. did you get that? controlled. not IN control. i have lived a life controlled by many things ... parents, of course. money, or the lack thereof. school. government. jobs. LIFE! but most importantly, FOOD. i have felt controlled BY FOOD. until recently.

recently i have felt completely FREE from the control food has had on me all these years. truly, there were many, many times i felt like i had no discipline, no will power, no desire even, to withstand the urges of fried foods, cheese, chocolate. and i couldn't figure out WHY! but as soon as i got my brain wrapped around the fact that eating whole, natural, plant-based foods was far better for my body, things started changing.

i've been nearly 100% vegetarian for over 7 months, and now 100% vegan for 1 month (with the exception of one very small scoop of Blue Bell). for the past month i've not only cut out all meat and animal dairy, but i've also decreased my oil and refined products to maybe only 10% of my diet, if that. urges for salty or sugary things are very rare. i get the munchies, but i don't scarf up a bunch of crap food anymore to solve it ... instead i reach for fruit, or my homemade date bars. or more water. i THINK before i ACT. and i do my very best to plan ahead for every situation.

so ... just a few days ago i was cooking in my kitchen, getting all geared up for the week ahead with homemade hummus, veggie soup, and an assortment of other good-for-me items and i felt completely elated from feeling IN CONTROL of my life. i now feel like i have a firm grip on the choices i make, the reasons i make them, and the ability to walk away from the things that are damaging to my body.  i've never felt this way before, but i am so completely thrilled about feeling it now! in fact, there were many times i felt like i would never be free from the death grip my cravings and urges had on me.  and now i understand why. reading the below article brought light to my already growing insights about food. i thought i knew how food affects us, but the below text made it stand up and sing.

it is completely amazing to realize just how much food affects us, positively and negatively.

(The following excerpt is from the book Eating in Freedom, by Tom Coghill)

Your Food Addiction is Great for Business
No mysterious ingredient. The Cadbury’s secret is out. Chocolate is drug-like in its effect. Artificial taste explodes in the mouth with crunchy, smooth, sweet flavors, supplying intense pleasure. Every texture and nuance of taste contrived to stimulate your 9,000 taste buds into sending pleasure signals to the brain. The intensified pleasure effect is addictive. We don’t care about the additives or empty calories. Chocolate junkies crave a fix, driven by the desire for that chocolate pleasure. Pleasure for which we will pay any price, even our health.

Chocolate bars are loaded with salt, sugar, caffeine and fat, up to 300 calories per bar. Like a body demanding heroin for its balance, the body will crave sugar, salt and fat. Take candy from a sugar junkie, and look out! Quitting causes withdrawals. Remove sugar, processed fat or salt from your diet, and you will crave them. You will go through the discomfort of facing withdrawal similar to the withdrawal from drugs.

Strawberries and bananas don’t cause cravings. You never feel guilty about eating too many cantaloupes. You never hear little voices in the back of your head saying eat, eat, eat cantaloupe. No, because natural foods balance the body and physical cravings are caused by biochemical imbalance. Street drugs, alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, salt, saturated fat, refined starch and refined sugars cause cravings because they imbalance the body’s chemistry.

Addictive substances cause the body to become dependent on an unnatural substance for homeostatic balance. Removing it will cause withdrawals. During withdrawal, the addict suffers through the painful readjustment as the body cries out for the missing substance. In a desperate attempt to maintain homeostasis, (chemical balance) the body demands the very substance that caused the imbalance.

The body’s homeostatic balance is affected by diet. Consumption of massive amounts of sugar, salt, caffeine or fried foods (like that which is in the Standard American Diet) drastically affects homeostatic balance. Natural hunger becomes distorted as the body craves for the substances necessary for balance. The body reacts as it would to any addiction. Powerful cravings override the body’s natural needs.

Food allergies can also cause an addiction-like dependence due to homeostatic disturbance. Your favorite foods are usually the ones to which you are addicted. You usually feel better immediately after eating the food that you are addicted to, but shortly afterward the allergic reaction produces a feeling of irritability. It causes flatulence, nausea, depression or headaches. Milk, wheat and eggs are the most common allergic foods. Each contains large protein molecules with strong glue-like bonds. If the appropriate enzyme necessary for digestion is not available, these protein molecules enter the blood undigested. The immune system attacks these fragments as if they were invaders. Homeostasis has been imbalanced, and if these foods are continually eaten, the body will need them for homeostatic balance, causing an allergen-based food addiction.

The brain has 100 billion neurons and 100 trillion connectors for memory alone. Each brain cell is dependent on homeostatic balance to function properly. High doses of sugar, salt, fat and caffeine can cause imbalances in the brain’s normal chemistry. Eating natural foods allows the brain’s chemistry to function normally. Natural foods assist homeostasis, supplying vitamins, minerals, soft fibers, cell salts and enzymes to assist the body in maintaining balance. In a balanced state, hunger is in relation to the body’s need for nutrition.

Eating processed food creates cravings for more processed foods. Eat fried foods, and you crave more. Eat cooked food, and you crave it. Eat sugar-filled food, and you will crave it. The Hostess Munchies are nothing more than disguised cravings for salt and fat. They promise satisfaction, but artificial pleasure never satisfies. It is a pleasure that takes by first giving. It steals valuable nutrition from your diet by feeding your body empty calories.

Addiction in the Brain
Scientists are discovering that psychological addiction has a common factor. All mood-altering drugs elevate levels of the neurotransmitter in the brain, called dopamine. Tobacco, cocaine, heroin and caffeine elevate dopamine levels and cause a feeling of euphoria. Dopamine may be the master molecule of addiction.

Neurotransmitters, such as dopamine, control how the brain works and what we feel. When you feel pleasure from eating or falling in love, receiving a compliment, it is dopamine that causes the feeling. Every experience that humans find enjoyable may be linked to dopamine whether that be listening to music, savoring chocolate, sex or shooting heroin.

Fifty neurotransmitters have been discovered to date. A good half dozen are associated with addiction by causing a feeling of euphoria. Serotonin is another interesting neurotransmitter. It has a sedating effect. This neurotransmitter can be affected by rhythm, such as stroking the hair, slow deep breathing or a rocking motion. It is possible that the desire for the serotonin effect enforces repetitive habits such as nail biting, playing with hair or nose picking. There is a repetition and a rhythm to these habits. It may be an unhealthy attempt at trying to gain comfort from the serotonin effect. Starches have been known to have a calming effect on the brain due to increased levels of serotonin. We are using junk-food, starch, drugs, and bad habits to adjust our feelings through stimulating our neurotransmitters.

The pleasure effect of neurotransmitters is designed by God to form healthy, natural dependencies. A wholesome pleasure that motivates us to find good tasting food, comfortable shelter and loving relationships. Dopamine and serotonin reinforce healthy actions and behaviors.

Dopamine has a powerful ability to form triggers. During pleasure, neurological pathways are being formed that will trigger a physical and emotional reaction to repeat that pleasure. We know it as an urge. We feel impelled. Our minds can become fixed on pleasure until we think of nothing else.

Intense pleasure forms the most powerful triggers. For this reason, sex, drugs and food create the most powerful urges. A syringe, rolling papers, an X-rated video, McDonalds, anything that is associated with the pleasure, becomes a trigger for these powerful urges. Compelled by an urge, we feel pulled toward pleasure like steel to a magnet. The emotions overdrive and our body quivers with adrenaline. An addict may shake and sweat with the anticipation of pleasure. A tennis player may also experience the same reaction before a championship. The body and mind are being prepared for action.

Urges are powerful at motivating us towards good or evil. We can feel the urge to pray, the urge to be kind, the urge to create or build, or we can feel the urge to destroy. Yet, even the most powerful urge cannot negate our responsibility. We can never blame an urge for the action we have formed, built and accepted. We have given it power from the thoughts that we allowed to form.

Stolen Rewards
Drugs hijack the natural reward system of humans. Smoking a joint feels like the relaxation similar to two hours in the gym. Heroin gives a pleasure similar to “runners high,” the euphoric state experienced during long distance running. But, like all mood-altering drugs, the pleasure is stolen. It has not been gained honestly through effort, achievement or challenge.

Processed food hijacks the taste buds, stealing pleasure without giving nutrition. In nature, foods that taste good are good for us. Sweetness is an indicator of calories. Saltiness is an indicator of mineral content. A bittersweet taste, like lemon, is a sign of cleansing acids and vitamins. We like food with fats and oils because they supply calories and essential fatty acids. Natural oils and fats are high in calories and fat-soluble vitamins. Healthy food has a wholesome taste, a pleasure intended to reinforce healthy behavior.

KEY: Compulsive addictive obsessive overeaters binge to find peace. By running from fear it controls them.

A Security Blanket
Food can be used to medicate our feelings. Its pleasure gives a predictable lift. When we feel cranky, tired or lonely, food offers comfort. A comfort on which we can depend. A comfort that brings peace in an emotional storm. However, the reliance on food or any substance to feel better forms dependence.

The pleasure offered by mood-altering drugs and food can easily become a security blanket, insulating us from a harsh world. An emotional crutch that makes us weaker by leaning on it. Each time we use it natural emotional responses deteriorate, and the addict becomes emotionally dependent on the pleasure to control mood.

When we are dependent on a chemical or food to feel good, our self-worth is eroded. We no longer are in control. We are dependent. An addict never feels good about needing a drug. There is a feeling of being powerless that destroys self-esteem.

Every time we are tired, upset or frustrated and use food to feel good, that behavior is being etched deeply into our neuropathways. Whether that be eating potato chips, gambling, sexual perversion, horror movies or healthy activities like exercise or playing an instrument, the pleasure is creating triggers to repeat that behavior. Every time you enjoy a food that is unhealthy, use a mood-altering drug, engage in a perverse fantasy or enjoy being lazy you are creating triggers. Triggers that will activate emotions, becoming powerful urges to repeat that behavior.

After a lifetime’s worth of indulgent triggers and twisted behaviors, we are out of control. Tidal waves crash upon the shore of our soul. There is no peace. The storm is relentless and the pain is endless. Hope is darkened. Only a glimmer remains. But it is enough to see.

Place a huge CAUTION sign over your pleasures. Choose your pleasures with great care. The pleasure of dopamine can move us forward towards a healthy, fulfilling life or endless indulgence. Through discipline, we can receive dopamine’s pleasure from healthy activities and actions. We can feel good about doing the right thing while enjoying the benefits of a clear conscience and a healthy body.

Through discipline, you can control your neurotransmitters. Imagine being able to create nice, warm feelings … a neurotransmitter high without harsh drugs or side effects. Just warm dopamine fuzzy feelings. Bet you’d be one happy person. In a few chapters you are about to discover how. We call it the Dopamine Diet Plan.

When emotional and physical cravings rise up like a tag team punching from both sides you can hit back with a few uppercuts. No more beatings from Mr. Big. Be the aggressor. Fight back. Chase those cravings away with a scowl. Flex some muscles. Show no mercy. Take no prisoners. This is war!!

Alaska 2010

Alaskan Cruise on Holland America's Rotterdam, August 28 - September 4, 2010 out of Seattle, WA. Ports of call were Juneau, Sitka, Ketchikan, AK, and Victoria, BC. We saw humpback whales, grey whales, dolphins, sea lions, sea otters, seals, one deer, bald eagles, seagulls, and black bears. An amazing trip!

curb appeal

let's see .... i moved into this house in september and about that time is when the big tree in the front yard was removed. since then there's been a big mound of mulch in the yard which some joked as being my compost pile.

months later i finally got an idea. i took the rocks that bordered the two flowerbeds previously and made a new flowerbed out of the tree mound. now if i can just keep the colorful flowers alive for a little while, my efforts will be worth it. :-)

greener pastures, maybe?

i was offered a position with the county last week. my friend, Dot, works as the tax collector assessor and needed another helper in her office so i applied. about a month later she offered me the job and i accepted. so last monday i turned in my two-week notice to a mostly un-curious boss. friday is my last day, thank goodness. i tell you what, to work in a place where no one cares about your doings, it's all very strange and i still haven't gotten used to it even after nearly 2 years.

next week i'll be in the northwest with my mom for vacation. we've had that planned for a while now. and the day after i return from vacation i'll drive to San Antonio with my new coworkers for a 2-day seminar. June 10 will be my first day in my new office.

so what will i be doing? well, i'll be working with the public nearly all day, every day, with three other ladies. i'll help the people register their vehicles with the state, give them license plates, handicap permits, process titles, and many other things i have no clue about yet. it'll be completely different than anything i've done before. kind of a mix between office and fast food cultures.

i'm a bit nervous about the learning curve, but i'm a fast learner so i should be alright. i hope. wish me luck! :-)

let there be light and functionality!

check it out. i finally have a new kitchen! i started this project about a month ago. the cabinets arrived and sat in my garage. i emptied the kitchen of all the dishes and food and then hired a contractor to come in and tear it up. it took about 10 days and a lot of work, but it's finally finished and now re-organized. yay! click on the pictures to enlarge and get a good look. :-)

shutters

here's a small update. basically January was a fast and non-productive month. not only did i need a rest from remodeling, but i also got sick twice. but now that February is almost over, i best get busy.

here's the house without the shutters mom and i put up last sunday...

after the shutters...

and then after i cleaned up the flowerbeds and Andy the lawn guy mowed the yard for me...


the plan is to put a couple of raised flowerbeds with retaining wall blocks on either side of the porch. i think that'll be prettier than just in the ground beds, and it'll help improve the rain sliding into the house because of the slope of the yard.

AND, notice the new front door! here was the old one...

i actually LIKED the front door that was there, as for the color, but the large window allowed even the shortest of people to peek in on me at any time. and the door itself didn't exactly fit the frame, so there were gaps that allowed air and bugs to roam freely.

Merry Christmas to me!

and to you, by the way. and Happy New Year, too! i hope you and yours had blessed holidays.

but really this post is dedicated to bathrooms. one in particular, of course. over Christmas i remodeled the bathroom with the help of a motivated Colorado friend. here, let me introduce you to my bathroom on the day i received the keys...

at first glance it's not so bad. but when you're sitting on the toilet looking around for more than one minute, you notice things. that's what i did, every day, for the last 4 months. i looked around as i was taking care of business and noticed things. old things. new things. ugly things. and hated it.

and even though i tried to dress it up temporarily with a new sink and vanity and previously owned accessories, i still hated it. it was just ugly. and boring. and needed something. ANYthing!

and here was the closet on the first day. GROSS! i hated that too, so i immediately tore it all out with mom's help. which turns out was a bit of a hasty mistake, seeing as how i NEEDED a closet to store stuff, but the boxes that stuff had lived in for the last two years continued to work just fine.

but then my friend came for Christmas. not only did she bring delicious cookies, she brought love, motivation, and encouragement. first we re-built the closet shelves (because i'd recently finished drywalling and painting the closet). then we tackled the bathroom ugliness with texture and paint and new furnishings i'd recently picked out. and voila! i now have a new old bathroom. yay! :-)

and to boot, as a house-warming present my aunt & uncle bought me a new toilet! yes, i believe the original was still in the house. it had a stamp of 1942 in the tank and was sealed with rusted bolts, so i'm fairly certain it was time to replace the old throne. this new one comes highly recommended and adorns this blog recommended as well. Toto makes a fab toilet, water conservative and all. i think from the second i push the handle to the second it stops filling is about 20 seconds total. that's pretty fast! and it really does use very little water to do it all. that'll help in the summer when i'm using extra water for the yard!

thank you, Gae. and thank you Mom. and thank you Aunt Donna & Uncle Bob. you've all blessed my Christmas and New Year's greatly. :-)